if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
