this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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