So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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