i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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