having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
