Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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