i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
