I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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