i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Are my feet made of real feet?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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