I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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