he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
