My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
