When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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