Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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