I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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