why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
