Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We got so high we made milksteak
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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