My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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