What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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