Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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