it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dick very happy bro
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
