you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
