Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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