im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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