be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
