The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was like eating out sand paper
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
