I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
