just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
