Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
