Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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