dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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