Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
