I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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