The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
