Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
