Well now I have my semen on her headphones
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
