i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
