there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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