Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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