You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
