Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
