We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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