this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
