i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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