im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
