i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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