I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
