he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
