Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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