JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
