covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just gargled with NyQuil
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
