Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
