got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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