i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
