Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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