So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
