wanna go halves on a baby?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
