you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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