sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
