wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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