how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The uberlube is also flammable
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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