I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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