remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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