You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
