its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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