I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
its not stalking. its research.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
