Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
