i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
