im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
