I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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