Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
