EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
