I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
