I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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